Precious is This Game of Life

Insane lows, I have them too. The parts of me that screams out within to be lazy, to cease doing the things that make me ME. I know for sure that for everything good there is a bad and that they got it right when they said ying AND yang. Immense highs? We all get those too no? That inner buzz that emanates from fingertips to toes. Usually best induced by natural highs, yet bringing awareness to all the artificial ones too. Do opposites attract? Sure maybe, but there's this never ending piece of me that fights to stay unmotivated. To stay low in this very weirdly framed world we're currently living in and it often make me wonder when the hell the high is gonna kick back in. The life living in freedom. The best part about it is we can chose to blame something, often much easier or we can seek to find the tools we already possess and remember how to kick their ass to the surface to be utlitized.

**Insert blame on the pandemic here if you must** 
I mean isn't that the easiest slice of pandemic pie you ever did hear? I can't, because you know - covid!

This 'seek to find' is a perfect description of our inner fight (see my blog post 'The Dance Inside"). The inner YOU-ness, so to speak. Go ahead and deny it if you will but there are two sides dwelling inside all of us that fight to grasp onto our everyday surface. Our everyday meaning that gives us purpose. Being just you isn't often you enough for anybody these days and fitting into the mold of this world has become increasingly more open and optional. The choices are beyond endless. So how the heck does one see worthy paths and places in this world when there's five forks in the road and two Selves to help you get there?

One trivial battle in my life, let it be known-- is that I am notorious for refusal of exercise. I am so good at it that it makes me sick to my stomach to think why I treat myself as such. This body is my temple, but I sure as shit treat it as a junk food disposal at will whenever I want. If it wasn't evident as to why I picked this habit to note and that this is indeed a BAD habit, then please! Someone link me an article to how junk food doesn't inhibit disease ASAP, cause I'd love to read it. It remains evident that along with epically bad eating habits I have noticed lately that when things get to me I am inspired to write about them and use this platform to shout about it in hopes of helping liberate me (and maybe some of you) out of it. 

In saying so, we all know that drinking water, exercise and eating right are key to longevity and extended health. So how come when fighting inner mental and emotional battles do most of us ignore these terrible little everyday habits that often go unseen? I mean exercise isn't that hard and you really do not need to kill yourself in the gym to be successful. So why do I love to avoid it? 

It's like this urge isn't of me sometimes and I know everyone is not out there all eating lettuce burgers, going keto or vegetarian anytime soon so let's be real, we can all get this way a little sometimes...no? My diet isn't perfect. Is yours? Could you drink more water? Could I? This world severely underestimates walking too, I mean when's the last time you did just that for yourself? (NO, work walking does NOT count - you heard me servers and factory workers!) Are you starting to maybe see now how even if you don't acknowledge it, both sides live in you too. Lazy and strong!? 

Every. Single. DAMN. Day.

Laid off from regular working life, I've lead my day on a start to end basis lately with no real schedule in between. The is what I like to call the mega-bad-toxic-life draining trait of going about the day (YOUR DAY) without any severe discipline. And guess what? I'm great at that too! **insert eye roll here** But! I am getting better every single day and truly isn't that what counts? So while this addition to the blog may seem a bit all over the map, I'd like it to serve its purpose for you all knowing that these words started weeks ago with me feeling exactly like the first two words at the top of this piece. 

There are times in our lives when we battle the deepest of the deep. The moments that light our core on fire, anger us, tempt us and force us to abuse ourselves. Be it food, entertainment or harmful substance or action -- they all cater to the parts of us that those most happiest deny. The side of you that even you don't recognize. On the days I feel this side creep in, I often feel defeated. Like the control I have is gone, everything pisses me off and I become this rude and snappy bitch that nobody likes to be around. I get lazy, neglect my healthy habits, order take out and often drink in hopes happiness will ensue from its artificial buzz. That's my usual self battle - so what's yours? What fillers make up your darkest moments and do those seep into your every day? For example, if tomorrow you felt like shit, what are you doing today that you would do tenfold tomorrow if that feeling of mega shit kicked in? That's your answer for your "fillers". All the juicy stuff that coats the shit.

I am targeting here on getting away from the need to "fill" your life with anything and for us all to start embracing living for today. To feed thy soul! Instead of squashing it. I no longer feel those first two words that started this piece and even though that's how it began I remember my end goal. I wanted to make this entry an inspiration for you to feel different, for ME to feel different too - to feel a light inside or even picturing being featherweight. Able to take on your daily life like the very fortunate being that you are and recognize how much credit you actually deserve for just being you.

Observe your everyday. Does it feed in you the brightness and contribute to your success? Be it body, mind, soul or career and assets. You control how these things become a success for you and where you can keep them. The simplest shift in everyday habits done consistently and over time can have the greatest effect not only on your future, but on your feeling better and more sure of yourself. What your shifts are, being able to recognize them and learning where you need to improve only you can capture, manipulate and make happen. Since I started this piece I've implemented small shifts in my daily life and can already feel the change within. Guys, I HATED the mile run in high school but I LOVED cheese fries. Now I run 5kms easily (from lots of practice) and can't really eat cheese sauce anymore without paying for it the next day.

If you're high energy, find things to do damit! Nourish your brain, it is craving you to fill it with something other than the numbness that is your current everyday circle. I highly advise reading or finding other ways to input or add to your brain. To educate yourself is to give your mind what it needs to feel free and utilized. This is what gives your mind the base connections to be more and to create. Having a schedule for your everyday even if it just consists of regular eating times, walking and taking in one chapter a day of a new book can heighten your life in a year's time in ways you've never imagined. (See "The Compound Effect" by Darren Hardy)

The darkest sides of us bathe in joy when we refuse to do anything with ourselves. Without action we are our own worst enemy. If you feed yourself with only bad habits and neglect that which your body vitally needs to survive (and like bare basics I mean -- water, good food and body movement) then be rest assured that your dark side will win out every time. Stress, anger, resentment, laziness, emptiness, lethargy, gluttony, unhappiness, weakness, jealousy, assumptions, greed -- are all a result of the massive inaction you've taken thus far to protect your body, your mind and your soul. How could you be kind enough to accept yourself, or anyone else for that matter, when your body has never had a vegetable? Or a morning without a cigarette before you even add one glass of water to your already dehydrated and sleepy body. Don't make me say you're made of it now! I know you think I sounds ridic but how could you possibly ever accept the stress you meet on the daily outside of your home when you haven't even watered your brain so it can think beyond breathing and heartbeats? No wonder so many of us take the stress of work home! No wonder so many of us look in the mirror and don't recognize the reflection!

There is quarrel going on in all of us you see and we are predisposed to fail without monitoring that which makes us human and feeds that humanity. The kindness and light inside you and behind every single soul gets so utterly thrilled when we choose to make the right decisions just for us, to live that life in freedom. Far be it for me to say that if you fed that kindness within, what it could do for your outside world? How it could deflate that darkness for you and for those you see around you. Don't make me start talking about how grateful you should be for running water and other westernized basics you've been granted like the device upon which you read this. For if you focused truly on all you have and how lucky you were for it, your days of darkness would be so few.

We are all connected, cliché or not it's true and who you are and what you do emanates outward from you ten fold. You are never truly alone and neither are your actions or inactions. For I started here in a darker state and honored that part of me, cried it out and let it be. I accept the pieces that construct me and sometimes leave me wondering. Among the many pieces sits that light side and dark. For these pieces are in every single one of our puzzle boxes in this game called life and no matter what we learn along the way we're all missing the "Rules of the Game" instruction sheet. 

The Compound Effect, By: Darren Hardy